Stop shaming working moms
We read it time and time again. Mom’s that say, “I would never be able to leave my kids with a sitter” or “I’d miss them too much”. The reality is that some of us do not have the luxury to stay at home and care for our children full time. It is unfortunate that we can’t, but now-a-days a reality.
When I got pregnant with my first baby I was a newlywed and still living with my in-laws. I looked at that little plus sign on the pregnancy test and the first thing I thought was How are we going to afford this? Actually, the first thing I thought was When is my due date? Will my baby make the age cut off for school? then How are we going to afford this? In any case I was so afraid to think who was going to take care of my baby? Can I afford to stay home? Was it too soon to do this? Then again is there ever a “right time”?
So many thoughts ran through my head at the same time that I almost forgot how fortunate we were to be blessed with this child growing inside of me. When I had my son, I was unemployed because I was laid off from my previous position for reasons unknown to me (coincidently days after I told them I was pregnant I was let go).
We weighed the options and there was no way that we would be able to afford raising our baby without both of us having a full-time job. I was able to find employment shortly after my son was born and I started to mentally prepare myself to leave my baby at home with my mother-in-law. While we were able to have someone we trusted to take care of him and not a stranger, it did not change that fact that it was not me. When I went back to work I remember the awful feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I cried all the way there and kept thinking What am I doing?
When I was younger I always used to imagine a life with a lot of kids ( I come from a ridiculously large family), a loving husband and a big golden retriever running around the yard of our big house, but I never imagined that I would be a working mom immediately after my children were born. My “goal” was to raise my children at least until they were old enough to go to school. I was a housewife in my fantasy. Cooking, cleaning taking care of my kids. That’s all it was though, a fantasy.
The reality is not many mothers can afford to stay home with their children. According to the U.S. Department of labor “The participation rate for married mothers [was] (67.9 percent) [although] lower than the rate for mothers with other marital statuses (76.0 percent) in 2016”
It is sad to see that this day and age, although the majority of women work and take care of their kids, there are still so many people that say it is something that shouldn’t be done.
I agree wholeheartedly that if you are able to stay home with your children and raise them that it is 100% the best option for them and for yourself. However if you are not able to, for whatever reason that is particular to your circumstance, do not let yourself feel guilty. Remind yourself every day the love that you have for your children and if you had it any other way you would be home caring for them.
Do not let yourself get consumed with thoughts of ineptitude. It is very easy to play the blame game and resent your spouse as well for having to be in certain situations. When you are stressed or depressed you will find any outlet to make the feeling subside or try to make other’s around you feel the same way you are so as not to feel the burden alone. It is not logical, but it happens.
I had a lot of issues after my second son was born having to go back to work just 3 weeks post-partum (yes I said 3) because we were in a very delicate situation but at the end of the day we all go through ups and downs and blaming each other for things that are sometimes out of our control does not make for a healthy marriage or a healthy life. Make sure that you find someone to speak to and voice your feeling to your spouse if ever you are having these feelings.
We are made of stronger stuff moms! We need to empower each other! At the end of the day we are MOMS regardless of how long we get to spend with our beautiful creations.
You might not agree but you do have to respect everyone equally.