How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

Without losing your connection to your partner

My family always says (insert Dominican accent here)”Amor de lejo, amor de pend—” It’s not such a nice saying but in a few words long distance relationships are for idiots. I came across an article that I really didn’t agree with a couple of the things it said so I feel I am qualified to share my experience. How distant were we you ask? Try 1,291.4 freakin’ miles away! So the article says…

21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

and I say…

My (then) boyfriend and I were long distance for 4 years. Yes I said 4. It was nothing short of a miracle that we lasted as long as we did and are now married with 2 beautiful children. How did we survive you ask? Well let’s see…

  1. DO NOT avoid excessive communication. There is no such thing as talking too much when you are long distance. How could you possibly keep up with each other or establish a good and sturdy relationship if you communicate ‘a little’ or ‘an average’ amount of time? What you lack in being able to hang out at the movie’s or going out to dinner you make up for in excessive communication.
  2. DO see it as an opportunity. As much as (at first) I felt like I was dying a little inside I realize now that it was an opportunity to learn what life would be like without that person. To appreciate the time that you do have together and to establish a the strongest foundation to ANY relationship. COMMUNICATION. Long distance relationships, I feel, have a one-up on any other relationship because you don’t have a choice to communicate or not. You either communicate or you break up. Misunderstandings and break-up’s happen because of lack of communication the majority of the time.
  3. DO NOT set some ground rules to manage your expectations. You have no idea what to expect how could you possibly set ground rules. Every day is a new struggle, argument, annoyance. You have to take this as they come or you’ll be setting yourself up for failure.
  4. DO try to communicate regularly and creatively. This is obviously to help create a bond with him/her.
  5. DO talk dirty to each other. Hay Jesus Santisimo! As my grandma would say to even hear this topic come up, but every relationship needs a little love and in absence of making out and just the occasional hug or shoulder rub this can help make your relationship not lose the intimacy.
  6. DO avoid dangerous situations. NEVER put yourself in a situation where you have the opportunity to be unfaithful. If you know that there is a risk just AVOID it. If you are serious about your partner don’t even think about it.
  7. DO do things together (ha! I said do do). My boyfriend and I used to watch movies, shows and even an entire novela together! I will never forget those nights. We would sit with our laptops while on the phone (bluetooth) and say “1,2,3 play”. When either of us had to go to the bathroom or get something we would say “1,2,3 pause” and then continue once we were done. I lived for those days.
  8. DO OR DO NOT do similar things. Who cares you cant do them together anyway. LOL.
  9. DO make visits to each other. If you don’t. Quit while you still have time.
  10. DO have a goal in mind. Remind each other of that goals you have set up. This motivation is what kept me going and what kept us faithful.
  11. TRY to enjoy your alone time and your time with your friends and family. Easier said than done. Definitely necessary.
  12. DEFINITELY stay honest with each other. Enough said and for obvious reasons.
  13. DO know each other’s schedules. It’s a good way to keep a sense of normalcy.
  14. DO (cautiously) keep track of each other’s social media lives. This on one occasion did not work out so well for me. For the sake of leaving things in the past I wont elaborate. Let’s just say “seek and you shall find” is almost always true.
  15. DEFINITELY gift a personal object for the other person to hold on to. You have ups and downs and when you are going through a down it’s very good to have something that you remember he/she had once had in their hands.
  16. DO get a good messaging app. MySpace will no longer work lol but get one.
  17. DO Snail-mail it. WTF they call it that? Yo no se pero it works! I am very sentimental and this helped me a great deal. My boyfriend says he didn’t care for it too much but he kept everything I ever sent so he’s a liar. LOL
  18. DO stay positive. Don’t lose hope! If you give time and attention to your relationship it will prosper.
  19. DO NOT keep each other updated on each other’s family and friends. I did NOT care to hear about what everyone else was doing. How everyone else was able to have a ‘normal’ life and we were stuck long distance. This created more problems. Not productive AT ALL.
  20. DO video-call whenever possible. Sometimes (as weird as it sounds) I would forget his face. If it wasn’t for Skype we would not have been able to survive.
  21. DO NOT give each other pet names. How can you prove he know YOUR name? HA HA HA HA HA just kidding. Hearing “Hey honey-bunny” on the other line made my heart melt.

So there you have it! Do you agree? Please comment and let me know your thoughts!

TALK TO MamiErazo. Ask ME anything.

 

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3 Comments

  1. Isaac says:

    Hey, I just finished reading your 21 points to making a long distance relationship work and thought about a question for you????
    How can you quantify TIME..DISTANCE..OPPURTUNITY!!! w/ LOVE…DETERMINATION…BLIND AMBITION???????😱

    1. Well Isaac this depends on what you believe is quantifiable. It’s difficult to unequivocally quantify things so abstract. You have to weigh what values more to you and your significant other and have an open and honest conversation without any expectation or ultimatum to get to a true response. This is what was most difficult for us I feel is to know whether it was worth it or not to continue the long distance relationship as obstacles presented themselves. What was a determining factor for us was always an open and honest line of communication, determination, commitment and prayer. We are very religious (catholic) and whether you are or not there is always “something” that tells you deep down whether you are willing to invest your whole life to this person. The good, the bad and the “unwanted”. Everyone comes with baggage and quirks (not one person on this planet is perfect) but the hard part is knowing if these “unwanted” things are a deal breaker. Hope this helps! Good luck! I can tell by your question that you have the tools to be able to navigate a great conversation with your partner so get to work! Remember that at the end of the day only the two of you TOGETHER can decide.

  2. Jeannette says:

    Loved it Isleny! 👏👏 Even though I don’t agree with some of your points, I think it is beautifully written! ¡Me encanta la pisca dominicana que le pones!

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